I Laughed...I Cried

The other night, I was doing some homework and participating in some good-natured procrastination. And somehow, I was simultaneously reminded of how much I love film and how much I hate a lot of current Hollywood. Don't get me wrong -- I'm not one those film buffs that thinks every commercial endeavor is crap. I like artless, shoot-em-up movies and predictable romantic comedies as much as the next gal. But there are some things that I hate (hate hate hate). In addition to snakes, mice in my bed, and natural disasters, I hate pointless remakes and book butchering.

We'll start with the former...I'm sure that you have heard about the remake of Footloose coming out. Why you would remake Footloose is a mystery, but why you would make it exactly the same is original is simply unfathomable. Yes, there are only so many original stories floating between studios. And when the stories run out, you must reuse an old one. Accepted. But, for pete's sake, do something new! For instance the recent Hairspray is, of course, a remake of John Waters' Hairspray, but the two films are very different. The original is edgy, with a lot of sexual humor, while the new one is pop-ish pulp. Footloose is not re-imagined. It just re-filmed. Observe:

Coming blood-curdling remakes include Taps and possibly The Thin Man. I'm angry enough about Taps, but I pray that The Thin Man never ever gets a reboot. There should never be another Nick and Nora Charles. Ever.

And the later...I feel the need to warn you that the following will be a passionate rant, which you may or may not appreciate. I can't keep it bottled up. While on a break from reading, I indulged in one of my favorite methods of procrastination, watching trailers, and I came across this one for One for the Money:

This movie is based on the first book of one of my favorite series -- Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series. It is about an out of work Jersey girl, who takes a job as a bounty hunter in a pinch. Queue shenanigans. The books are hilarious and completely evoke what it is to be "Jersey." And now it's being turned into a crappity crap movie starring Katherine Heigl. Even if I didn't strongly dislike Katherine Heigl (which I do, becasue, well, she's Katherine Heigl), she couldn't play Stephanie Plum. Her impression of a Jersey Girl is horrible and kind of insulting. Beyond that, none of the characters were cast correctly, especially the 100% Italian American McSteamy cop Joe Morelli, who will be played by Dublin native Jason O'Mara. It's a damn shame... Ok, I'm ok. I'll cool it.

But then, every once in a while, like those moments when you see an adorable little kid being adorable and you think that the world may not suck, I see something that makes me remember why I love movies so much. This time, it was examining the pure artistry that goes into different aspects of filmmaking and learning to appreciate the parts that aren't film at all, like the sound design. Sound design didn't really come up until the 70s, the first sound designer being Walter Murch, who worked on The Conversation in '74 and Apocalypse Now in '79, among others. Those are probably two of the most famous sound designs and I never really appreciated them. The things that sound designers mix together that most audience members will never notice is amazing. For instance in the final scene of Silence of the Lambs, Skip Lievsay increases the intensity by adding a low wolf growl under the other effects while Clarice is walking into Buffalo Bill's basement. You don't hear it but you feel it. And the sound designer for Star Wars, Ben Burtt, mixed the Tibetan, Mongolian, and Nepali languages to recreate "Ewokese." Would you think of that? Neither would I.

Things like these remind me of the artistry and innovation that has gone into films. Even if there are remakes of already mediocre movies or the slaughter of good books, there are also the classics and the wonderful new films that creep through. It's a beautiful thing. And it makes me thankful that I am (1) a film buff and (2) not planning to make a career in Hollywood.

Film is about art – art of acting, art of directing, and art of writing, among other things. Hollywood is about glamor. And one night a year, the epitome of Hollywood and film come together to celebrate the little golden man named Oscar. I love the Oscars. Let’s just get that out there. There are countless other awards out there for films nowadays, but it still holds true that it ain’t over til the fat lady sings and nothing sounds better before an actor’s name than “Academy Award Winner.” So let’s hear it for the Oscars. I enjoyed this year’s show very much and here are a few things I learned from this year’s Academy Awards...

1. Jesse Eisenberg is actually as awkward as Mark Zuckerberg.
I caught one of Jesse Eisenberg's interviews on the red carpet and realized that his portrayal of the socially inept Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network may not have been all that much of a stretch for him. His speech was hesitant just like his character in the film and some of his answers were just plain awkward. Even during the show, he often looked pained and rarely smiled. Why so serious, Jesse?

2. Kirk Douglas rocks.
Unlike Eisenberg, Kirk Douglas, who walked onto stage at 95 years old, was a hoot. He commented on Anne Hathaway's appearance, wondering where she was when he was making pictures, and on the reaction of the audience to the Best Supporting Actress reel, pointing out that Hugh Jackman was laughing, but Colin Firth was not -- he's English. Then, when it came time to announce the winner, he kept looking at the card and then making another comment to psych out the Supporting Actress nominees. He was simply delightful, a lively old man who has obviously not let a stroke or anything else get in his way. It was a tremendous treat to see him.

3. Dear God, I hope I look like Helen Mirren when I'm a senior citizen.
jk -- already knew that...


4. Technology never ceases to amaze me.
Mid-way through the show, legendary Oscars host Billy Crystal appeared to introduce another legendary figure and host, Bob Hope. Seeing as Bob Hope has been dead for some time now, this may seem impossible. However, the theater lights dimmed, an old-timey podium was rolled out and an film clip of Bob Hope at the Oscars was projected just above the podium, so that it looked as if he was standing there, addressing the crowd. I realize this is a fairly simple task of projecting a video, but the ingenuity and precision with which this was done was amazing. Following this marvel was the presentation of the award for best special effects, when films like Harry Potter, Inception and The Wolfman showed us just what magic Hollywood special effects technicians can make.

5. I love the memorial montage.
I apologize if this sounds morbid. I don't want to bum anyone out, but I really do love the memorial montage. I didn't just realize it this year; I watch it intently every year, but this year, I'm writing about it. The montage depresses me, but in a good way and it forces me to look to the past -- to the golden age of Hollywood and remember some of the figures that make cinema what it is. This year, Lena Horne, who became an inspiration to women of color everywhere when she broke racial barriers, was honored. Pioneer of the post-studio age, Easy Riders/Raging Bulls era Dennis Hopper was also included. Other figures we remembered this year were actor Tony Curtis, who I love, and director Arthur Penn.


If fact, I particularly like this year's Academy Awards because it focused so much on remembering and honoring Hollywood history. I suspect this was to ensure that, even with all the steps that were taken to draw a younger crowd (ex. Hottie McHosts), an appreciation and a respect for the past were not lost. This was especially evident through Kirk Douglas's appearance, the spotlight put on the Governor's awards, and the references to classic films such as Gone with the Wind. I remember thinking that last year’s Oscars were a bit boring, but this year’s were a success. Can’t wait for next year!